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And one day, I might give it to a doctor so they will analyse if it's OK. Everything in Vanessa Beecroft's life revolves around food. But when I am not, oh my God. I felt very alone, but now I see that every woman in my family has an eating disorder. She turns the girls, some of whom have been diagnosed with eating disorders, into a reflection of her own ugly emotional panorama. I could go back to real life.

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The exercise brought relief and offered an antidote to her problems. I felt very alone, but now I see that every woman in my family has an eating disorder. There's an awareness of contemporary culture that's in the mix as well. It was something in between. She and her husband bought their rural retreat in Cold Spring Harbor, Long Island, partly because it would cut Beecroft's access to the hour convenience stores available on every street corner in New York City - too much of a temptation when the craving for a binge comes on. I would try in the bathroom with my head in the toilet for two hours and eventually I'd start bleeding because I was hurting myself and I got scared.

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Today, she no longer swims, instead practising ashtanga yoga 'power yoga' seven days a week.

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Dare to bare

I look at a camera and all the heaviness comes. And I was looking to my skin to become more green if I ate spinach, or orange if I ate carrots. For Beecroft, swimming was, until recently, an intoxicating drug. Intrigued, he invited Beecroft to stage a performance in January to open his new second gallery, Deitch Projects. I stopped when I got pregnant with Dean and I got crazy again - the police arrived one night because I was breaking the car.

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It's no wonder that Fassbinder, a master of cruelty and control, is one of her favourite film directors Fassbinder actresses Irm Hermann and Hanna Schygulla were cast as 'characters' for VB51 in Germany. So, for a long time, I ate only green food. That was difficult. And then she's also very much involved in something more contemporary, this world of reality TV and fashion shows. We are interrupted by Dean, who joins us, doe-eyed, wanting to blow out the candle flickering on the table between us. Many of the girls, chosen for their uncanny resemblance to Beecroft, were themselves struggling with eating disorders.

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